Doing the Right Thing for the Sake of Doing It

Doing the Right Thing for the Sake of Doing It

Human behavior fascinates me. I’m surprised, baffled and appalled by the way people behave. Each of us is different; this I know, and it’s a good thing, but when I see people behaving badly, I’m unnerved. I’m not perfect, far from it, but I do deeply care about TRYING to do the right thing. I had a difficult situation this weekend and was faced with a choice — do what someone close to me wanted me to do that I didn’t want to do (knowing how I’d be treated), or protect my sanity by doing what I felt was right for me. I chose the latter and I’m glad I did. It didn’t save me altogether but I had more choice than I would have had otherwise. The situation involved an official college visit for my daughter, welcoming her and her teammates for the first time, together, on campus. Her father would be there and while I didn’t know exactly what would go down, I knew there would be unpleasantness. I was faced with a few uncomfortable situations. My dad and I were left out of a group (me, purposely; he by association), a group we were supposed to be included in for Maddie’s sake. I did nothing; there wasn’t anything I could do. Her dad facilitated the separation. So while I prefer trying to get along, he chooses to make things harder than they have to be. I am truly baffled that he can’t let things go. Honestly I’m not sure what needs to be let go of; things with he and I just are. We have not been together...
Take the Chance

Take the Chance

We create our reality. Every action, inaction, chance, avoidance; it all matters. We set the stage and, in part, the plot of our lives. We choose; every choice matters. One choice leads us one way,  while another takes us down a different road altogether. I say if you want something bad enough, go for it. Never at the cost of others, of course, but if its doable, even if you’re scared, do it! I met my husband by ‘chance,’ but once I met him I knew there was a connection. It wasn’t a know it with my head sense; it was an I feel this deeply in my heart sense. I couldn’t explain it but I knew it felt right and I couldn’t NOT see him again. J is not shy but he is extremely reserved, prone more to inaction than action. I knew I’d have to make the move if I wanted to see him again. I was scared and unsure, having just ended another long term relationship, but I also knew, like I said before, that I had to take a chance. One day, I bought a coffee at Tim Hortons, during the yearly “Roll Up to Win” sweepstakes. I told myself, if I win anything I’ll call him. I rarely win things. Do you? But this day I did. A sign, a grand, amazing opportunity to put myself out there. I only won a coffee but I vowed to get his number and call that week. He answered and, as they say, ‘the rest is history.’ If you want something, go for it. It could change...
A Letter to my Eight Year Old Self, an Excerpt

A Letter to my Eight Year Old Self, an Excerpt

I’ve never been fond of writing prompts, but to be honest, I’ve not given them a chance. Often, I have topic ideas in mind and when I don’t, I write Morning Pages. Now that I’m working with a writing coach she’s giving me tools to ensure daily pointed writing. I need it; I’m lacking consistency. Today’s assignment: write a letter to your eight year old self. I set a timer for thirty minutes and was surprised by what came out — specific hardships and ways to avoid them, deep rooted pain that I must learn to accept as part of me, and other insight I’ve had before but framed in a different way. Writing a letter to self provided a new perspective. The last several sentences are universal enough to share. You will still be trying to figure things out in forty years, yes at almost fifty, but you’ll finally know who you are. The ‘figuring things out’ is an ongoing process. With each new thing that happens to you, an insight will ‘pop.’ Life will be a series of these insights. It’s your job to be present and heed their calls. You live in a universe that supports you; believe that. There is groundedness in this truth and from that space you can draw strength you didn’t know existed. Love others instead of judging them. Know–like fully know–that everyone is doing the best they know how. Living in this truth will make you kinder and more accepting. Sometimes you’ll fail, probably often, but it’s okay. Its just life teaching you what you still need to learn. And for goodness...

We Teach People How to Treat Us

“We teach people how to treat us.” This has been my theme song this week. There are a few situations that I’ve allowed others to decide for me, and a few people I’ve almost completely given my power to. I’ve catered and caved to their whims and it hasn’t worked out well–for me or them. I am not a pushover, at least I’ve never considered myself so, but I’m definitely a people pleaser in some situations. Funnily, in other scenarios I will not bend at all. I have been a people pleaser in two specific yet unrelated situations recently. And trying to please each of them did not garner positive results. There’s something to be said for doing things the way I think they should be done and allowing others to conform to me. It’s not a self-serving, holier-than-thou thing. It’s a ‘you take care of you, I’ll take care of me’ thing. I had a huge ‘a ha’ this week regarding this situation. I discovered that, in many ways, I don’t treat myself like I have a right to a voice or to even be here. It’s unhealthy and unfair, to me and to the others I interact with. We are all winging it, some of us better than others. And those who wing it and believe in themselves do a much better job than those who second guess. I choose to be in the former category. Photo by Jezael Melgoza on...
Tuesday, September 25th

Tuesday, September 25th

It’s kind of crazy to watch yourself change and grow. I’ve been in a massive shift, a huge transformation, over the last year. I guess I sort of knew it but didn’t acknowledge it. It’s my life, after all. I’m mostly in the business of living it. Introspection and retrospection are gifts, but we often don’t use them when we’re just trying to make it through. I was forced into incredible change by two of the most important people in my life, my mom and daughter. It had to happen. God, psyche and the Universe all knew the plan. I didn’t. As I ponder all of the events and the synchronous ways they were weaved together, I try to figure out what it all means. Maybe that’s not the way life works though. Maybe we aren’t supposed to know until we are through it. Like the saying, “life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards,” or “the only way out is through.” Damnit. So far, I have worked my way through with the help of an amazing coach who mirrored my goodness and wholeness back to me. I didn’t see (or feel) whole when we started working together. I was broken, beat down, defeated. I was in a state of severe depression. I knew I couldn’t climb out of the hole alone. She helped (and continues to help) me see that many answers are inside of me and that I am stronger than I think. She gives me permission to be easier on myself (that’s often not easy to do). She says words I need...